Let's be real: picking a motorcycle is basically dating. You see one online, get butterflies, stalk every review, imagine your life together, then either commit or ghost. Some bikes look perfect but turn out to be high-maintenance nightmares. Others aren't sexy on paper but end up being the most loyal ride of your life.

So here's the 2025 lineup, dating-app style. Swipe right on the bikes that match your vibe. Swipe left on the red flags. And maybe find your soulmate in two wheels.

1. BMW R 1300 GS - The Overachiever Who Has Their Life Together

Green Flags:

• Can tour continents, commute daily, or tackle fire roads without breaking a sweat
• Tech-loaded: adaptive suspension, cruise control, every rider aid imaginable
• Resale value holds like a champion

Red Flags:

• Expensive to buy ($18k+) and maintain. BMW parts aren't cheap.
• Intimidating seat height. Short riders need not apply.
• Everyone at the coffee shop will assume you're a dentist.

Long-term relationship: Rock solid if you can afford it. This is the bike you marry, not the one you fool around with.

2. Harley-Davidson CVO Baggers - The High-Maintenance Stunner

Green Flags:

• Unmatched comfort for highway cruising and cross-country trips
• Sound. That glorious, rumbling V-twin.
• You'll never question if you look cool. You do.

Red Flags:

• $50k starting price. This is a second mortgage, not a bike.
• Heavy. Parking lot drops are expensive and embarrassing.
• Chrome needs polishing. Often. Forever.

Long-term relationship: If you've got the budget and patience, this is the bike that turns heads at every gas station. Just know what you're signing up for.

3. Yamaha YZF-R9 - The Adrenaline Junkie Who's Fun But Dangerous

Green Flags:

• Yamaha's CP3 engine is a masterpiece of sound and fury
• Handles like it's on rails. Confidence-inspiring in corners.
• Lighter and more manageable than a liter bike

Red Flags:

• Uncomfortable for anything longer than an hour
• Will tempt you to do illegal things on public roads
• Insurance companies hate this bike almost as much as they hate you

Long-term relationship: Perfect second bike. Terrible only bike unless you hate your spine.

4. Honda CB750 Hornet - The Reliable Best Friend You Should Date

Green Flags:

• Does everything well: commute, tour, canyon carving, track days
• $8k price tag is a steal for what you get
• Honda reliability means it'll outlast your interest in riding

Red Flags:

• Not the most exciting at bike night. You won't turn heads.
• Suspension is soft if you're an aggressive rider
• Seat comfort is mediocre on long rides

Long-term relationship: This is the keeper. Marry this bike and you'll never have regrets.

5. KTM 990 RC R - The Wild Card Who Keeps You Guessing

Green Flags:

• Unique parallel-twin engine with serious character
• Sharp handling and track-ready performance
• You'll be the only one at bike night with this

Red Flags:

• KTM reliability is... variable. Service intervals are frequent.
• Heat. So much heat. Your legs will know.
• Dealer network is sparse. Good luck finding parts in rural America.

Long-term relationship: Exciting but exhausting. Great fling, questionable commitment.

6. Kawasaki Ninja 7 Hybrid - The Forward-Thinking Nerd

Green Flags:

• Hybrid power gives you electric boost and gas range
• Insane fuel economy for a sport bike
• Smooth, quiet, futuristic riding experience

Red Flags:

• First-gen hybrid tech. You're a beta tester.
• Heavier than a standard Ninja 650
• Purists will judge you. A lot.

Long-term relationship: Risky but potentially revolutionary. If you like being first to new tech, go for it.

Sleeper Picks: Not Sexy, But They Rule

Suzuki V-Strom 650 - The Underrated Workhorse

Nobody's posting this on Instagram, but ask any long-distance rider and they'll tell you: the V-Strom is the bike you actually want. Bulletproof, comfortable, cheap to maintain, and capable of anything. It's not thrilling. It's just really, really good at being a motorcycle.

Kawasaki Versys 1000 - The Comfortable Giant

Big, practical, comfortable, and fast when you need it. The Versys doesn't get love because it's not trendy, but it's one of the smartest purchases you can make. Think of it as the Toyota Camry of adventure bikes, except actually fun.

So, Which One Gets Your Swipe?

Here's the thing about thirsted-after bikes: they're popular for a reason. But popular doesn't always mean right for you. The BMW might be perfect if you've got the budget. The R9 is a rush if you live for track days. The Hornet is the smart pick for most riders. And the sleeper bikes? They're the ones that end up being keepers.

Pick the bike that matches your riding style, not the one that gets the most Instagram likes. Because at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with it.